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REMEMBERING THE ANCESTOR WITHIN by Maria Yraceburu Copyright
Maria Yraceburu 2003 All Rights Reserved
i am on a quest; i go a little further;
drawn to blue house mountain with snow,
following a path long ago set down for me,
white light guarded cavern where lives
vision of prophecy
fifth world revealed:
surely i am brave,
i walk the Path of Beauty... I am a storyteller and ceremonialist
of the Quero Apache Snake Clan, a people indigenous to the Southwestern
region of Arizona, New Mexico and the mountains of Old Mexico. Before I
begin my sharing, I think it is necessary to say a little about my
background and how I came to be who I am today. I was told as a child that I was born with
spiritual power. My ancestors had the power to see and heal, my great
grandmother had the healing power and my grandfather also had it too. I've
been told since the beginning that it also runs in my blood. I was raised
in the traditional manner by my grandfather whom I used to follow around
as he doctored people. Those in our community relied on him, because they
knew he could make them well. For a time, I tried to avoid walking the
path that my elders had prophesized for me. I was born a half breed and
felt I didn't deserve the teachings they blessed me with, but my grandpa
told me, "One day people will seek you out. There is no way to avoid
this. You only make it harder on yourself by trying to avoid your
true destiny." At the time,
I didn't understand what he meant. Later I learned that if you have
certain gifts, when the spirit is in your blood, you can't get away from
it. Three times I have died, but I've always been sent back. When I spoke to a friend of my
grandfather's, Rolling Thunder, after Grandfather's death, he told me
exactly what I needed to do to get my life straightened out. He told me
all the years of drug addiction, the abuse I had suffered at the hands of
others, was all my own doing because I was trying to get away from my real
purpose in life. From then
on I understood that I had to keep the spiritual connection strong and
that I could not no longer avoid or misuse my gift. Part of my gift, which is also my work, is
sharing my experiences and the stories. For years I have been traveling
around the countryside, talking about evolution and how as spiritual
beings we need to get in touch with our deeper abilities. You see, whilst
I have been blessed to grow up in a tradition where learning the mysteries
of life were an essential
part of our daily education, I have also seen how through centuries, most
of humanity has lost their inner knowing and sense of belonging because
they are disconnected from spirit. People from everywhere now contact me
to find out how to reconnect with spirit. Some are seeking only the sensation
of feeling energetically high whilst others truly desire spiritual
fulfillment. Whatever the intent, people come for many different reasons.
I encourage them to follow their own hearts.
I can provide guidelines, encouragement and example, but each
individual must follow their own journey. The process of initiation, awareness,
enlightenment and consciousness usually begins when a person feels
something is lacking in their life. They are searching for a real purpose,
which gives a deeper meaning to what they do. It is my belief that
everyone is being returned to the heart of remembrance and that their true
identity is known by their higher self. This has been outlined in
prophecies handed down throughout
the centuries. One of the most fundamental beliefs I
received was that all phenomena in the universe started from, and have
their being in one reality, the All That Is, which is above spatial and
temporal limitations. However different and separate things may appear to
be to the senses, the most profound and hidden Sacred Law is that we are
all one. I learned to recognize the coexistence and identity of two principles, sameness and difference. I am not you, and you are not me; and yet we are all one in essence. While we have to acknowledge that in the world individuality presently predominates, we must not forget that all distinctions and contradictions vanish in the light of spiritual truth. What I try to emphasize to people is how deep spiritual life is, it is the every day effort, which develops our inner experience. Our spirituality must be lived on a day to day basis and become evident through our every thought and action so that it becomes the inner guiding force in our lives. By refocusing our vision so that all things are processed through our spiritual vision, we no longer feel separate or isolated. The journey is every bit as important as the destination. Each success in achieving this manner of viewing must be celebrated and marked as a milestone to reinforce the positive. In this way, we can manifest the Sacred Beingness just as much as the lilies of the field. All That Is exists within us. We do not find it by forsaking the world. but by finding it in the world. Our faith is to believe in our essential oneness. Humans
tend to perceive based on When we come to realize this mysterious
presence in all things, we feel mingled feelings of awe, admiration, and
helplessness, tinged also with a sense of self peace.
We are awestricken because it is beyond our human intelligence to
grasp thoroughly the plan of the All That Is. Our fragmented consciousness
is unable to review the entire range of divine operation and thus to know
the why or wherefore of all these things. Through
the recognition of the All That Is, we can be lifted above the wearisome
limitations to embrace our quest to know more. I do not teach Native American religious beliefs,
I teach tools of observation and empowerment. This is how I learned the
principles of a nature based living life philosophy. Once the intellect is
satisfied, then experiential situations need to be called forth to take
the information to the internal place of cellular knowing. Fortunately, Spirit
has never let me down in the co-creation of these necessary and miraculous
moments. The story I have chosen to share in this
moment is one such moment from my own life, and celebrates the sense of
union with sacred self and all of life as I have come to know it through
the teachings of my tradition of the Quero Apache Tlish Diyan. It praises
response: an intuitive understanding of ancient remembering, the
quickening of breath that
accompanies this moment, almost a fear of breathing as the body belays its
unknowing loss of equilibrium in vibrational shifting.
It honors trust: of the intimacy between self and Spirit, or in
this instance, Ancestor, and the momentary surrender to all that is seen. Yes! This story is about spirituality: the
play of energy upon the senses! Yes!
This story came to me, an individual who grew up in a world where
visions were seen as common, yet each experience speaks of such great
power and knowing, that they still to this day make me tremble as I am
humbled in their unfoldment. And yes! I have been blessed
and would not trade my life for anything! The experience I would like to share with
you began one dark night under the New Mexico full moon.
I had joined with a group of women in the Valley of Miracles to
seek a vision of guidance. I
had been in my circle, isolated in nature, for two days and nights, when a
voice stretched across the Canyons of Evolution, calling to me.
"Awake, Naylin! Come!
You must put your spirit to the wind and follow me!
I have things to show you! Now!"
The voice was high and plaintive. In the darkness at midnight, I awoke,
startled and alert. I had
been dreaming, and yet... in dreams comes the voice of vision. "Dash'
shi'heka' - I will show things to you," the woman's voice said.
"Clear your head. Empty it of all thoughts. Hear only my voice."
A beautiful chant began. At
first the words were Apache, but then they changed to the
Ancient Language of the Quero, the Old Ones.
I felt a vibration deep inside me. The wind grew strong.
I felt a presence entwine with mine. "Open your eyes and witness."
When I opened my eyes I was far back in time. There was utter silence. I
wasn't sure what urged me to go into the lodge before me, but the need was
sudden and compelling. Before me stood my great grandmother... my
namesake, Naylin Lage. She
spoke with reverence as she explained the curing ceremony that was
unfolding. She told me that when a member of her community was sick, the
family would call for her. She had spent a great deal of time learning
what to do, she was the niece and apprentice to the Dreamer,
Nochaydelklinne. The sick girl's family, relatives and
friends had gathered at the lodge. Naylin Lage had arrived knowing many
different songs, dances and prayers of power. At this ceremony she would
pray to the Changing Mother Earth. Naylin Lage also prayed to Changing
Mother's twin sons, Killer of Enemies, our guardian and protector from
fear, and Child of Water, the first medicine man and priest who teaches us
about our connection to all things. My pulse raced from being only a heartbeat
away from the sick girl. I
stepped closer with Naylin Lage. The fire flickered ahead, and I clutched
at my throat with a hand when I saw what the flames' light revealed. They
cast a golden light on the blanket on which the girl lay, ghostly pale and
asleep. She wore a lovely doeskin dress adorned with silver
ornaments, and moccasins new and pretty on her delicate feet. As I grew closer I saw that I was the girl,
my hair lay spread in a rich sheen beneath my head. Dressed in such a
special, loving way, and lying so deathly quiet with my hands resting on
my abdomen, I looked as though I had been readied to be placed in the
Changing Mother's womb! Afraid and sobbing, I turned my eyes away and
eased to Naylin Lage's side. "It's me," I whispered, clinging to
my namesake. "I look... dead." Naylin Lage gave me a soft hug. "You
are only resting peacefully." She tried to reassure me as she looked
past my shoulder to the other me! "Do
you not see how peaceful you are breathing? You are awaiting the ceremony.
That is all." I shot my great grandmother a quick look;
her eyes were filled with love as she looked back at me. In the darkest
corner of the dwelling I could see four silent figures, observing my
movement. I knew they were the spirits of my children. Ignoring their
presence, a strong arm slipped around my waist and I looked into Naylin
Lage's eyes. I glanced at my mirror image. Her eyes were closed, her lips
softly parted as she... I... slept. "It is time," Naylin Lage
whispered, leading me away and helping me down onto a pile of blankets in
a far corner. "I must
leave you here. "Eyes wide, I watched, feeling alignment to myself...
I watched spellbound as Naylin Lage began her healing ritual close beside
the blanket where the other me was lying. There was something in Naylin Lage's
majesty that made me feel she was separate from the world and its trials. Her face was peaceful; her dark eyes were serene. With an audience of many sitting in a
circle around the bedding, Naylin Lage spread a white doeskin blanket on
the lodge floor. It matched my body double's dress in color, design, and
silver ornamentation. While singing half under her breath, Naylin Lage
slowly covered the doeskin blanket with pure white sand, then made a
bright sacred picture on the sand by slowly sprinkling it with sand dyed
in various colors and with sacred pollen. Her fingers were skillful at
making the beautiful painting in the sand and she continued to paint
different breathtaking designs. Her voice rose in pitch with "The Holy Mountain
Song." I listened intensely to the words of the
song, touched by them. "Swift and far I journey, swift upon the
rainbow, swift and far I journey, ho, there the Place of Souls!
Yea, swift and far I journey to the Spirit Land and beyond. Yea,
swift and far I journey to the Mountain Spirits and beyond. Yea, swift and
far I journey to Life Unending and beyond. Yea, swift and far I journey to
joy unchanging and beyond. Yea, swift and far I journey." Suddenly Naylin Lage made a loud thunderous
noise and the image before me changed. My grandfather, Ten Bears was
before me rolling some herbs in a corn husk and smoking them. He blew
smoke to the directions. Then he looked up toward the sky and said,
"Before the attack, this woman's body and spirit were in healthy
condition. Now she needs
help. I pray to you, Yusn, to breathe some of your spirit into this woman,
to make her over as she should be." His voice lay low in the dwelling
like a slow-moving steam. Ten Bears took a piece of bark from one of
the pouches around his waist. "This is from a tree that was struck by
lightning," he explained. He
bent down and put it in the fire. Everyone was silent as the bark caught
fire and flared up. The people who couldn't help bowed their heads and
wept or hid their faces behind a shawl.
When the bark was done burning, Ten Bears took a little horn trowel
and scooped up the ashes. "Get water," he said, and a young
woman jumped to her feet and ran out of the lodge. In this moment, something startling hit me.
The girl I was now looking at was my great grandmother, laying before me
in peaceful repose. How could this be?
I quieted my nerves by gently reminding myself that in the Dream,
everything is possible. There was a purpose to all of this that was being
revealed that would become clear in it's own time. Ten Bears put the ashes in the water and
added some white powder. He dipped his fingers into the mixture. With
this, Ten Bears painted lightning symbols on Naylin Lage's face, letting
the liquid dribble into her mouth. Naylin
Lage began trembling so hard that I knew she was not dead. Ten Bears
raised the cup up four times, muttering prayers.
He held it out toward Naylin Lage three times and on the fourth got
her to drink. I heard the sound of retching. "She is dying," my great
grandfather, Massai said, and Ten Bears hushed him, and began chanting,
"He in the sky who is Holy, He who is the Giver of All Life, who
coupled with Changing Mother to bring Creation, He receives life in
transition so that it may continue infinite; He in the sky who is Sacred,
Giver of All Life. Daaiina,
and so it is." Ten Bears went silent.
Everyone watched him. He didn't move but stood still, his body
rigid and his face turned upward. He closed his eyes. Suddenly he leapt at
his mother. Putting both hands on Naylin Lage, he pushed hard. She moaned.
Others moaned, weeping and choking. I felt pressure within my own chest.
He pushed again and blew at her skin. He leaned into his mother with all
his might. Ten Bears pushed one final time and Naylin Lage screamed out. I
gasped and nearly fell, and in my sleep the dream made me jump so
violently that it woke me up. I sat up, panting, drenched in sweat. The
sun showed it was mid-morning. Hot, so hot! And the dream was so real!
I took several deep breaths to gather my thoughts and stood up to
walk around so that I could convince myself that everything was all right.
I told myself to keep the faith. All these
years I have believed in vision... had visions... so why was this feeling
so bizarre? I had always dared to test what I feared
most. My spirit had seen into the world beyond the world. Grandfather Ten
Bears had often joked that I was independent and stubborn and that those
traits would make me good for what I must one day do. Maybe so, but right
now I felt like a scared little kid, and I wondered what Grandfather would
do in the same situation. Finally, I overcame my growing frustration.
I looked up. Jagged-topped mountains ringed this valley floor, one range
feeding into another, the crevices and folds changing colors as
Grandfather Sun slowly walked his path across the sky. I felt the earth
open up to swallow me, but I did not fall. Instead I shot upwards and saw
stars exploding around me as I whizzed by them like a speeding comet,
faster and faster until the final moment when I seemed to die. The roaring
noise in my head stopped when I floated untethered, encased in the
soundless, tranquil, diamond-studded darkness of space - the world beyond,
the abode of All That Is. A figure appeared, Naylin Lage. Now as I
came face to face with my namesake I knew...
I bowed humbly, "I am you." "Yes," Naylin Lage
said, her voice trembling. "I
am you." From within her
blanket she drew a small pouch of the finest white doeskin. She offered it
to me. "It was your father's. Use it wisely." I accepted the
pouch reverently. It
felt alive. "I remember," I said. "Live for the moment,
blood of my blood. Enjoy what you have in the moment, rather than longing
for what the future may or may not bring. You have vision, use it. Your
family are not the only ones who have seen the power of your spirit.
Others know your magic. The future will be great, the signs for your
community are good," Naylin Lage intoned before turning away. It had been an internal landscape,
sometimes touched by things from the outside, as though seeds had blown
from the flowers in the meadows or from my great grandmother's words into
mind and grown there. The knowledge of oneness that had been revealed
unified my worlds... inside and out. Now I knew, I was the dirt and plants
around me, just as Changing Mother had given birth to the first people
from her being. And with clarity, I knew that the truth I had been shown
was the truth of strength behind the remembering that would come to All My
Relations. For a long time I did not understand. Now
Naylin Lage and I have come together numerous times, and I know that we
are all awakening to the remembrance of who we are. We are people of
medicine. We are people of power. We are co-creators of our reality. We
are the ancestors within. Hiyaa gozhoo dolee, may peace flow...
sweet
rose essence at evening exudes from the walls,
when shadows pass ancestors' voices can be heard,
and softly through the silence beats my heart along the Path of
Beauty.
i travel not for myself alone; by Winds of Change
my heart flame is fanned: for knowing what waits to be revealed,
i walk the Path of Beauty. Maria Yraceburu LEGENDS & PROPHECIES OF THE QUERO APACHE - TALES FOR HEALING AND
RENEWAL CIRCLE TALK - WORDS OF POWER Nohwike Bagowa - House of Our Footprints Naylin Iskinihi - Spirit Woman |