San Diego Circle

Mellissa’s Journey: Catholic Lawyer to Shamanic Healer

A couple of years ago, I was a Stanford-educated lawyer and a practicing Catholic. Today, I’m a practicing shaman, a healer, a psychic, and a channel. Quite a few people have been interested in the in-between stuff – the story of how I moved from one end of the professional Universe to the other. So here’s my life path story for you guys.

I’ve always been intuitive. As a child, my pediatrician, who was also a child psychiatrist, lovingly characterized me as super-imaginative and gifted. My imaginary world as a child was vivid and important. I moved the toothpaste across the counter once with a thought. Scared the heck out of me. Didn’t tell anyone. I saw lions in the bushes that no one else saw. I knew they were real. I followed the gentle instructions from my parents about lying, and I learned the difference between “imaginary” and “real.” My imagination was supported in a socially acceptable way, and I wrote fanciful stories and drew pictures as my outlet.

My faith life was always nurtured and strong. God and Jesus and the Virgin Mary were always accessible to me. I talked to them often, and always felt the warmth and acceptance of Divine Grace. I heard God talk with words for the first time when I was seven. I was in the mountains at church camp, alone in a meadow, chasing frogs around a pond. I was overcome by a strong Wind that did not move the trees or the grass – but it moved my heart. I felt completely loved, and I also felt an overwhelming sense of awe. I heard God call me by my name. I answered, asking what God wanted me to do. God said “Just Love.” After that day, I never felt out of contact with God. And the contact was always stronger outside in nature than anywhere else. It always seemed to me that God lived outside in the trees and the sky. Church felt comfortable for group prayer and ritual, and it held its own beauty in tradition, but when I wanted to really talk personally with God, I went outside.

My deep faith life and personal connection with God led me to become the Campus Minister of my Catholic high school. I led retreats. I planned liturgies. I spoke freely about my relationship with God, and my deep love and admiration for Christ. I studied the Catholic Church. I did extra credit in my religion classes studying the history of rules I did not agree with – rules about contraception and homosexuality, for example. My parents supported me in thinking critically about the rules through prayer and discernment. I learned to constantly explore my Faith using my whole self – my intellect, my reason, and my intuition.

My opportunities for exploration widened as I went off to Stanford for college. I studied sociology – how groups of people worked together. I studied different cultures and traditions throughout the world, and saw the deep wisdom in the ancient cultures who were still connected intimately to the seasons and the earth. I continued to dialogue with God on a daily basis. I attended ceremonies of different faiths, and found God was present at all of them. I meditated and spent much time outdoors. I lived in a co-operative living environment that stressed teamwork, playfulness, and accountability to the community. I playfully call this my hippie-living time, and I loved every minute of it.

After college, I went back to San Diego where my large extended family welcomed me with open arms and open hearts. I went back to church at my childhood parish, and found that the new pastor was closed-minded and closed-hearted. This harsh ancient Irish priest had driven many from the church community with his judgments and criticisms. He would literally chase people down the aisle and snatch communion from their hands if he suspected that they had been divorced, that they were Non-Catholic, or that they were somehow else separated from the Mother Church. This man showed me an ugly face of the Church. So I went looking for a new Catholic Community. I found that community at the University of California, San Diego.

The Paulist priests at UCSD were extremely educated, open-minded, and quite revolutionary in their open support for progressive changes in the Church on issues like the use of gender-neutral language for God, welcoming women into the priesthood, and allowing marriage among priests. These priests were physicists, professional artists, and psychotherapists, in addition to their busy ministries. I felt completely at home with them. They even held some masses outside under the sky! The Catholic Community at UCSD also introduced me to my husband, Mark, who is my beloved soulmate and closest friend. Supported in an intellectually stimulating faith community, I entered law school at the University of San Diego.

I felt directed to go to law school, which was strange, because I never really wanted to be a lawyer. I knew lots of lawyers. My dad was a Superior Court Judge. I worked in law offices through college. The money was good, but the atmosphere was frantic and stressful. After briefly looking into social work, counseling, and acting, I decided that once I had my law degree, I would have the options I wanted. I could work part-time and still make good money. I could pursue my other passions: improvisational theatre and starting a family with Mark.

Law school was spiritually draining. I forced myself to go to class. I saw studying in law school as a relative waste of time. I knew much about the practice of law already, as I had been working as a paralegal, writing briefs, summarizing cases. I felt that the old case law they had us memorizing was useless in the “real” world. So for the first time in my life, I got mediocre grades. I actually did it on purpose. If I got a “B” on a test, I would make a mental note to study less for that class next time, since I only needed a “C” to pass any class. The only saving grace in law school for me was my involvement with the Children’s Advocacy Institute and the Center for Public Interest Law. I advocated for learning disabled kids. I studied regulatory law so I could advocate for the common man. When I graduated from law school, I left with a C+ average, a diploma, and an award for the Outstanding Public Interest Advocate of the year.

It took me two years to recover from law school. I was a mess. I felt hardened and resentful. I felt de-feminized, too. Feminine ways of negotiating, of communicating, and of acting were not encouraged in law school. I was suffering with chronic and severe yeast infections and bladder infections that kept me in pain. My doctors – all intelligent specialists – were stumped. They offered only that I could go on anti-yeast medications for the rest of my life.

Desperate, I treated with Dr. James Tsai, a Chinese herbalist and acupuncturist practicing in Carlsbad. Within three weeks of herbal treatment, I was comfortable again. But Dr. Tsai warned me that the basic imbalance was too deep to treat with herbs, and that I would need to seek a practitioner who worked on a very deep level.

My eyes were now open to the wonders of “alternative” (actually “ancient” is a better word for it) medicine, and I was led next to Dr. Gerald Benesh, a then 83-year-old Naturopath, Iridologist, Chiropractor, and Nutritionist, with about 60 years of experience. Dr. Benesh looked in my irises, and then told me about the lump I had in my breast. I validated that yes, I had a suspicious lump in my left breast. He put me on a very restricted raw foods diet of fresh carrot-apple-celery juice, raw green salads, and nuts and occasional steamed starchy veggies. I stayed on that diet, with Dr. Benesh checking me regularly throughout, for eight months. On occasion, when my body chemistry was right, he would have me fast on juice, watermelon, or just water, for up to a week at a time. Between the raw foods diet and the fasting, my digestive system took an intense rest. And all that energy I usually use in digesting rich food went towards healing my body. After those eight months, I was vibrantly healthy, beautiful, and more psychic than ever. Most importantly, I was left with a deep respect for the human system and its ability to heal and connect with God.

Two natural births and a couple of adorable kids later, I had everything I ever wanted: perfect health, an amazing husband, two healthy incredible children, a big comfy house, a well-paid part-time lawyer gig, a comfortable faith life within my Catholic church community, and my own improv theatre troupe. Wow! It was the life I always wanted.

What more could I want? God answered that question for me in the year 2000 when I got my call to action – my psychic awakening. I began feeling tingling in my hands that made me automatically touch people to channel healing energy into them. I began hearing the voice of God more often – the same voice of God I heard in that meadow when I was seven – except now God was introducing me to angels and spirit helpers that assisted me in specialized ways. I was getting more instructions from God. These were invitations to serve as an instrument of God/Spirit in healing people.

The messages from God were becoming more earth-centered and symbolic. For example, God was using animal imagery with me, and some of the guides I was introduced to came in the form of an animal that represented the energy they came to teach me about. The imagery made beautiful sense to me, but it didn’t fit within my Catholic culture. These symbols awakened a wisdom in me that felt more ancient. God encouraged me to let this wisdom come back to me, so I did.

I was led to a shamanic healer through a mutual friend. He validated my experiences. He did not undertake to “train” me per se, since I was already receiving training directly from God and my guides, and that is the best way, he said. But he did teach me how to work in healing with “clients” in a way that is balanced and based in integrity. He validated for me that these strange visions and messages were a gift and invitation from Great Spirit, and not an indication that I was losing my mind.

For a while, I kept my shamanic spiritual path secret. I was afraid I’d be shunned by my family and community, especially since the wisdom God was opening in me was more Native or Aboriginal than Catholic. But I felt God calling me to release my dependence on the structure of the Church in order to commune more directly and fully with Spirit. I felt alone.

I asked for God for help with this loneliness. I was led to my improv friend, Dana. She was Dana then, but now the world knows this wonderful woman by her true Spirit name, Alora. I always liked this smiling intelligent girl, then an internet company executive. One night we started talking spirituality. We discovered that we’d been walking parallel paths. We had been experiencing almost identical psychic awakenings at the same time, in the same ways, without knowing it! We laughed and cried together that night, and we haven’t had to feel alone on the path ever since. We are shamanic partners – we support each other equally in love and something like Sisterhood.

At the beginning of 2002, I came out of the shamanic closet. With the support of Alora, my circle of three other friends who made up my shamanic circle, and my wonderful husband, Mark, I gave up my law practice entirely, and began to work openly as a shamanic healer.

There was a challenging period of adjustment. It was hard for me to get used to the fact that even describing what I do as a shaman makes me sound like a Looney bird to most people. But my home life and my parenting were better than ever. I felt strong and fulfilled in my work, and deeply connected to the Divine. God gave me signs, validation, and lots of encouragement and Grace to get me through this time. I re-dedicated myself to God, even if it would mean losing everything. That’s the leap I had to take in order to find Peace.

The shamanic path requires that I am constantly healing my own imbalances and negative patterns. I am not perfect. I am an instrument. And I am called to continually heal and perfect this instrument, my Self. It is hard work, and it is humbling work. But I have found that by re-examining the patterns in my life that I thought I could never change, accepting Grace from God, and taking the leap off of the cliff into the unknown of a healed existence, I can access healing for my Self that I never dreamed possible.

Now, I am more confident and joyful in my vocation that ever before. I am privileged to feel the healing power of God coursing through my body on a daily basis. I am honored to help my clients wade through the deepest darkest scariest patterns to be released into healing Light. I am awed to be a part of the ongoing healing of the human race and mother Earth. And I am so grateful to Spirit/God/Goddess for leading me on this path of healing and wholeness: my personal journey, my healing work, and the community resource we are creating in the San Diego Circle Shamanic Healing Arts Center. The last time I thought I had everything I could ever want, God gave me More. I can only imagine where my path will lead from here. Lead On, Spirit! Aho!

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Mellissa is a Spirit Woman and co-founder of San Diego Circle. She provides long-distance and in-person shamanic healing sessions for men, women, and children. She is also available for energetic space cleansing. Read more articles, see photos, and learn more at her website, www.HeartWisdom.net.